She goes out just before the dawn,
The ground still damp with morning dew.
To breath in the calm wet air,
That smells of rain and soft earth.
She wants to beg a god for her forgiveness,
But she can’t quite make herself believe.
She is seeking in herself to find the answer,
To find a solution, to find truth.
But she hates herself right now, and always will,
For even her beauty has little worth.
She wishes she was pretty, that she liked her own face,
But when she looks in the mirror, she lets herself be decieved.
She has always lied to others, but cannot lie to herself,
And the pain from home is too much, she just wants to disappear.
As she stares at the sunrise, wishing she were someone else,
Someone with a nicer body, nicer face, funnier or loved.
This has always been her special place, special time, her shelter,
As she looks out at the water, dreaming about how it would feel to drown.
But she is done with all this crying, done with all this pain,
She has no more love nor tears to shed.
She wants to let go, fade, into nothingness; into the black and still beyond,
But she holds on for one more sunrise, one more moment.
She stands up, with moistened jeans, as wet as her tearful face,
And turns to face home, if that place existed, in her heart is where it could be found.