This is…

It starts as a tickle

An old familiar feeling

That creeps up my spine

Across my tongue

And in through my eyes.

It settles in my mind

Like a restless sea.

Thrashing about

Tossing this ship

Against the rocky shores.

Ripped to jagged boards

I can’t breathe.

With these

Waterlogged lungs.

Blackness.

Stillness.

Unsettling.

I spin and swim

Only to return at start again.

Over and over again.

Weight of the water

Crushes me.

I try to cry

But the salty tears

Bleed into the ocean

Only building this feeling

Of inescapable death.

Or sleep.

Or something my mind

Cannot fully comprehend.

Because it’s no longer here.

There is only this primal brain

Raging on

Consuming everything I am.

And if I could just feel your hand

Or hear your voice

Maybe I could be okay,

But I am not.

Not even close.

I am swallowed up

Jonah.

I am lost at sea.

Unable to drown

Yet unable to live.

No rhyme

Nor rhythm

Nor reason

Nor purpose.

This is anxiety.

 anx

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